No looking Back
by xxxMs.Mexxx
Summary: It's hard to forget the man that you love however running away was the only thing Lily could have done but then HE showed up & her world shifted right out from under her making her think that maybe she was wrong.
1. Chapter One: Trying to start over

**Okay guys, here it is, my new ff. I don't really know how often I'll be updating but I hope you'll give it a chance: Rated R for Later Chapters.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything familiar!!!**

* * *

**My quote for the week: **_"When I read about the evil of drinking I stopped reading." Henry Youngman(1906-1998)._

* * *

**No Looking Back.**

_Chapter 1—Trying to start over._

With a month to go before spring Lily personally couldn't wait. With the days starting to get back longer it was great to walk to work in the daylight. For once however she was not carrying her briefcase with her. She bloody well didn't need it today for today she was handing in her resignation.

Lily reached the building where she had done legal legwork for the past seven months. As she walked up the steps she recalled what had urged her to accept the position in London. She had moved from Brussels to Mayfair after her life had taken a downhill plunge.

Of course her best friend Charlie would have told her to pull herself together and surge on ahead but Lily didn't want to think about her best friend right now, it hurt too much. After it was because of her that she moved to Mayfair in the first place, not that Charlie knew of any such thing.

Pushing open the door that led to her boss's office Lily took a claming breath and approached the man who had decided that just because Lily didn't want his advances he would make her life miserable. With a small smile Lily handed her married boss her resignation adding that she was not leaving any notice so he should hire a temporary paralegal at least before he could find a replacement for her.

It was three minutes later Lily found herself on the streets again, this time with a brief smile on her face and as always since leaving Brussels Lily chanted _don't look back._

…

Lily had just finished walking through the streets of Hogsmede when she apparated into Diagon Alley. There were still two more days before she started working for a private firm that looked after middle class magic families. She was staying at the Leaky Cauldron until she could find a flat she could afford. Her thoughts reflected over to her school days where she remembered her best mate then she thought about the man she loved—her best mate's husband.

Sighed Lily stopped and shook her head to clear it and just as suddenly as she had stopped she started walking again and crossed the street without looking. But this time something launched out at her and she froze.

The thing that launched out at her was a cart and the man pushing brought it to a screeching halt just a couple of inches before her. Unnecessarily she felt her anger pique. The man was glaring at her too. She could see his intense hazel eyes focused on her and felt the unnatural need to lick her lips. His mouth was set in a straight line but oh want a mouth it was.

Beautifully sculpted and so she wanted to trace it, biting back the urge however she left sexy lips standing where he was and resumed crossing the street towards the leaky cauldron. The man couldn't have been a year or so more than her own nineteen years.

She waved hastily to the barkeeper and was just about to stomp upstairs when he called out to her. 'Ms Evans.'

'Yes, Thomas,' Lily asked politely walking up to the older man but he looked at her with concern.

'Is something wrong Ms Evans?'

'No-well yes someone almost ran me over with a stupid cart.' She stated in a slightly angry tone.

'Some people today aren't careful.'

'Yes well Mr Sexy Lips shouldn't be allowed to walk the streets.' Lily muttered under her breath.

'Pardon?'

'Oh no it's nothing but um what did you want to speak to me about Thomas?'

'Oh that's right sorry my memory slipped. You see I overheard a place that will be perfect for you to look at. The flat is average but I don't really know the details but I asked the chaps who were reading it if I could have a copy.' He said and rummaged under the counter. 'Here it is, I think it'll suit, a young girl like you will like it.'

Lily accepted the paper and smiled honestly, 'thank you Thomas, I'm very grateful you were keeping your ears open.'

'No problem, I'm only too happy to help. The lads I borrowed it from didn't mind. One of them was going to look at on of the last remaining ones. I hear there is about three left.'

'Thanks Thomas I'll look into it.' she said and took the paper up to the room with her.

…

James Potter could believe the audacity of the girl he almost ran over. She looked at him as though he had purposely been looking for her to run over. On top of that he wasn't in the wrong.

The stupid but—he unwillingly noted—beautiful girl had stepped uncaringly into the street. But as James continued to push the cart laden with items he grimaced when he realised it took in more of her appearance than he should have. He remembered her eyes and especially her hair. The latter was a piercing green but her hair was a golden red the sparkled when it had touched the sun. But to him the best part of her was her legs, slim and long. He had a fetish for long legs.

He muttered a curse then shook his head, what the hell was he thinking? He had seen a lot more gorgeous girls than her so there was no need for him to be thinking about her like that. But there she was Ms Long legs, in his mind's eye indisposed on leaving. Grunting he kept on pushing the cart and then grinned ruefully as he realised something. She probably thought he was some kind of street vender. She wouldn't know that he was help on of his best mates set up an antique shop.

Catching his thoughts he reiterated firmly, he was not going to think about some girl that he was never going to see again. It wasn't probable and besides he had more important things to do like getting that flat…and_ going to a secret meeting about saving the world._

…

Lily apparated to the street in London that held her flat. It was in a bright area surrounded by a lot of trees and flowers just five minutes outside of London. She was supposed to be here at eleven or so the realtor told her. Another person was supposed to be seeing the neighbouring flat as well. As she stepped closer to the entrance she noticed a young girl standing there. It seemed that she was waiting for someone.

The girl turned and saw Lily, she lit up and Lily could see how pretty she looked. The girl was barely fourteen with dark hair and hazel eyes, which somehow felt familiar to her.

'Hi there, you must be the realtor. My cousin owled and said he would meet up with you in the front remember? Right it's a beautiful area, grandmamma and Ariel will be pleased, more so Ariel than Grandmamma I can tell you that.' That girl said and before Lily could correct her assumption about being the person in charge of the flats she started on again.

'Grandmamma doesn't want James moving out you see; she'll miss cooking for him. He eats practically half the food. Ariel would much prefer coming over to see him here though, that way they could be alone. If you meet her you'll realise the same thing I did, she's a bit—' the girl cut off the expletive word that she was about to use when she saw two people up behind Lily.

'James!' She cried and ran into his arms. Lily smiled faintly at the girl's enthusiasm as she turned around but when she recognised the man in front of her.

'_You're_ the other tenant?' and with the look he gave her over his cousin's head she knew he heard the hidden nastiness behind her comment. Well what the hell had he expected, she obviously didn't like him, he very nearly killed her didn't he?

Okay no he didn't she conceded but he looked so bloody arrogant, it seemed natural to dislike him but then he smiled. Not that it was aimed her way though, he smiled at his cousin and it was obvious to her that he cared a lot for the girl.

'Right I suppose I ought to introduce the two of you shouldn't I?' the realtor said putting away her notes. 'I hoped the two of you don't mind I put you in the same time appointment wise.' She said then ploughed on. 'This is James Potter,' she said to Lily then turned, 'And this is Lily Evans.'

Lily recognised the name, so he was a Potter was he? She heard about them, the Potters and she wondered where he fit into the family tree.

…

_Evans?_ Somehow James knew the name but that question didn't stay in his mind very long. She was going to but the flat nest to his? Bugger, he never thought he would see her again but to have her living just a few feet away form him would be annoying. She clearly didn't like him and he could say the feeling was mutual.

'Good now if you all with just follow me I'll show you to your flats. I understand you're interested in the slightly smaller one Ms Evans?'

'Yes.' The Evans girl answered.

'Good then Mr Potter will be able to acquire the larger room with no hassle.' The woman clucked and then proceeded to walk ahead of them up the stairs.

She paused at the entryway before indicating that this was his flat. She opened it with her wand and James grasped the feel and size of the rooms. Yes this will do just nicely.

…

Lily meanwhile wandered over to the other flat while the realtor was showing the other flat off to James Potter. She liked it, there was a large master bedroom and the smaller one would serve as a guest room or perhaps an office of sorts.

It was only when she finished looking around that she decided that she was going to buy it. Just then the realtor woman bustled in and started listing the points of the flat.

…

'James this is very fab, I can't believe you're giving me my own room.' His cousin Sienna gushed and then eyed him slyly.

'There's enough room for a _huge_ bathtub in your washroom you know.'

He scowled at the direction her thoughts were heading. What was wrong with girls her age today? There was no way his _fourteen_-year-old cousin was needling him about shagging people in the bathtub. Thank Merlin the woman had left to deal with Evans he would have been mortified if she had overheard.

'No I don't and you shouldn't either.' He said warningly.

'If you say so Jamie.' She said. He knew she knew that she was the only one who could get away from calling him Jamie, not even his best mate can call him that without expecting a hex to be directed his way. 'I hope Ariel agrees with you.'

'Sienna there is no more Ariel, I ended things weeks ago.'

'But how come you never told me that?' she wanted to know.

'Oh I don't know maybe it was because you were at Hogwarts all that time?' he said and she stuck her tongue out at him.

'Jamie, be serious, isn't it time you settled down?' Sienna said so seriously that James let out a bark of laughter. His cousin was one in a million. Both of their parents had been killed that same dark night. Their fathers were brothers, he was twelve and she was six and they'd gone to live with their grandparents after it occurred.

His grandfather died more than a year ago and when his grandmother died, hopefully not too soon, he was the one who had to take care of Sienna. Of course she would take the matter right out of his hands when she turns seventeen, she could wait to be independent. But for now anyway bother he and his grandmother indulged her.

'Why don't you find someone for me then oh great one then maybe I will?' he said joking.

'Really? Great I know who, my mate Anna's older sister Hannah.'

'You mean the play actor? I don't think so.' He said quickly, she wasn't taking this seriously was she? Sienna was just about to suggest someone else when the realtor came in the flat once more.

'Will you be taking it sir?'

'Yes.'

'Good I'll draw up the papers then you and Ms Evans can sign them.'

'Yes good,' he said. Evans was taking this flat? Oh why was Merlin punishing him this way? He had no time for an ill-tempered girl—_a beautiful ill-tempered girl_—his mind corrected.

_Tuh_, what did his mind know about the opposite sex anyway, they always confused the hell out of him.

…

'So mate you're living next to a girl?'

'Yeah, so Padfoot what of it?' James asked when he and his cousin sat with best mate for lunch.

Ignoring his comment Sirius leaned forward and asked a stage whisper, 'so was she hot?'

'She's all right.' He said trying to appease the woman hunter but apparently not succeeding because he looked sceptically at him. Sirius was not going to hit on _his_ new neighbour.

'No she's really pretty Sirius,' Sienna said glaring at James. He winced slightly; he'd totally forgotten that his cousin saw her.

'Better even, I think she's probably prettier than Ariel and she's way more nicer too.' She said smiling and James grunted. Not a confirmation not a disagreement but he noticed Sirius smirking at him.

'Not hot huh?'

'What does she know? She's fourteen and besides that one is not my type at all.' James defended himself.

'Sirius don't listen to him—but wait oh there she is.' Sienna said pointing in front of them and sure enough Ms Long legs walked into the Leaky Cauldron and waved at Tom before going upstairs.

'Did you see the legs on that one?' Sirius said in awe.

Well _duh_, 'No.' he said instead.

'James my man you disappoint me.' Said with feeling. 'I would have picked that up a long time ago.'

'Sirius, language.' James said ignoring the insult and trying to keep Sienna from turning more into Sirius. The man was a bad influence and he wondered what was wrong with him.

'The girl knows more than we do, _she_ corrupts us not the other way around,' he protested but shut up when James looked at him warningly.

And to go for a change of topic James ventured to work, which is always safe.

'So how was work today?' he asked, it was his day off today but Sirius had to go in early, well it was demanded that he go in early.

'Wouldn't you know old man Karim put me on desk duty for six weeks!' Sirius exclaimed warming to his subject. Sirius hadn't followed orders in the last raid the aurors did. He had been warned before about his disobedience to the leaders so James figured it was about time they pinned him to the wall. But he on the other hand was in another division on the other side of London but he knew of Karim.

'You don't say…' was all he said as he listened to Sirius list all the horrible points of his boss.

'Yeah then I told him the only way I was ever doing desk duty was if I transferred to the downtown London branch.' He said then grinned. 'Old man Karim agreed, he said that it would be a holiday for them all.'

But James horrified. 'You're going to be working in the front desk of my workplace for six weeks?'

'Yup, isn't that great. I bet Aberforth will be trilled.' Sirius said excitedly.

'Yes …' he said 'great.' _Oh joy_, he would never get any work done now.

* * *

I hoped you liked it, please read and review. I'll have the next chapter up by Friday and maybe tonight I'll have the 10th chapter of A sweet Refrain up! 

Sasha


	2. Chapter Two: Blood curling catastrophe

Hey guys, I love you all for trying out my new ff!

I hope you like what I'm putting out and this chapter is rather long but I hope you like it!

Thank you too:

**Fallen Flower**: thanks a lot I hope u try out my others as well!

**Jess**: thanks love!

**Moon chaos**: Its okay I see you now on A sweet refrain…I'm glad you're checking all my stuff out!

**KMK**: he he thanks for liking the new one!

**Theoneandonly**: hey thanks and yeah its long but this chapter is longer but I still hope you like it!

**Sam**: yay thanks for reading!!!

**Potterfan**: LOL yeah A sweet Refrain is my fav too, and I did update :D

**Anna**: hey darling…thanks a lot

**Missmags**: hey hey hey, thanks a lot!

**Sassafras**: WOOT thanks for reading and yeah I got the idea from a book, the little sis thing…though mind u the sis was a daughter…lmao

**Greengrl**: hiya I'm glad u like…

**Hpjsr**: Whoa hey yeah they are funny but I've moved from a Sirius fan to a james fan myself….lmao

_Luv ya lots and happy holidays!!!_

* * *

**My quote for the day**: "Everyday I get up and look through Forbes list of richest people in the world. If I'm not there, I go work." Robert Orben.

* * *

_Chapter Two: Blood curling catastrophe._

She hadn't really needed that file and looking back on it a fourteen hours since then Lily didn't know what made her go into the office again Friday night. She had only been doing the job for a little more than a week and she admitted right away in a letter to Charlie days after she had started that it was one of he best jobs she'd ever had.

But now she didn't know if she should reconsider, the Chief Auror had told her to stay in her flat and let no one enter unless it was him the Chief of Aurors, Aberforth Dumbledore. So that's what she did. She locked herself from the world because she saw a man die from an adava kadevra curse …the killing curse.

…

What the hell, the whether was fine a minute ago no it was raining. Oh how Lily loved London weather. It was stupid of her to forget the file anyway, her mind just wasn't focused but she was disgusted at what it was focused on. James Potter. She'd been grudgingly thinking of how she hadn't seen him in the two days since he moved into the neighbouring flat. Not that she wanted to, there was no way she wanted too. Taking the stairs two at a time she went into her tiny office and picked up the file that was sitting on her desk. She was turning to leave when a noise caught her attention. It was scraping.

Confused she walked quietly to the adjoining door and peaked into her boss's office. What she saw almost drew a startled gasp from her throat. With her hand to her mouth she looked at the shadows that played on the wall, above where her boss lay slumped on his desk.

'I want you to tell me your answer.' A voice grated. It was a quiet but frightening voice.

'I will not tell you anything,' the cowering shadow said brokenly.

'What were you going to tell Mr Harden? He wont be much help, after all I got to him before you could tell him anything. Now Adams, tell me what you were going to tell Harden or I'll kill you. The dark lord doesn't mind if you fall.'

The Dark lord? Was he talking about Voldemort?

Lily had been hearing about the rising of a great dark lord calling himself Voldemort. The name was already striking fear in the hearts of people. At school they were afraid to say his name. Lily never really spoke about him so she wasn't even sure what she was going to call him. Did she feel afraid of him? Honestly, yes but she was more afraid for those muggles she knew who couldn't defend themselves.

Right now however it didn't really matter if she was afraid of Voldemort, all that mattered was helping that poor man but as she was gathering her courage from her feet the man on the floor let out a harsh groan and the chilling words 'avada kadevra' drifted to her.

Lily held back the scream that built in her throat. She slumped to the floor tears flowing silently from her eyes. It was then only one thought echoed through her muddled brain. She had to get out of there. Oh god if I don't get out of here, he'll kill me too. She had to get help. Where is the bloody aurors when you need them? As she scrambled to her feet a sob escaped her mouth and, the murderer in the other room called out harshly, 'Who's there?'

She did the only thing she could do other than apparate. Taking out her wand she muttered the levitating spell and rose to the roof where she was in shadow. Closing her eyes she wished to be anywhere but there. Listening, the man made to motion to enter the office but she did see him stand at the doorway. The shadow against light made him look larger than life.

She shuddered but as soon as she was getting ready to fight to the death a noise sounded, the man apparated away. As Lily slowly went back to the ground she tried regulating her breathing, which was coming in short gasps, but she swallowed her fear. This was no time to me scared.

She knew one of the men was dead and the other room, but her boss could still be alive. She entered the room careful not to look in the direction of the body and went to make sure if he was okay. Tentatively she checked and found his pulse. Her sob of relief echoed through the office.

Oh god, the aurors need to be here. I have to go get them; a man is getting away with murder.

She shuddered before apparating to the nearest auror department she knew. She dashed up the steps to the entrance where she ran to the front desk. The man there was grinning when he turned to face her; only it died when he stared at her intently. A flicker of recognition flashed through his eyes but Lily was sure she had never seen him before.

'Excuse me, I've just seem a man mur-rdered…and one is still alive, I need to get—' and that was all Lily got to say when he put his index finger to his lips.

Did he not believe her? Did she look like a person who would make up a sick story such as a man's murder?

'You don't understand,' Lily started again urgently.

'I'm afraid I do but it would not do you any good to tell me this out here, I have to get my commanding officer, the chief of this particular London Auror Department.' The man said and quickly shepherded her into a strange office on the other side of the building.

'Sir,' he said knocking on the door.

'This better be good Black,' the grey haired man behind the desk said good-naturedly.

'It is sir very important.' The man who she now knew as Black said.

The "sir" in question raised his head a minute before she again saw a flash of recognition in those piercing blue eyes. It was then his attention was solely directed upon her and as soon as she got out her story he motioned to Black.

'Send Longbottom and his team over to the Law firm then find Prongs and bring him here. I want to talk to both of you.'

Black nodded and left.

'Now Ms Evan I need you to calm down, would you like some tea?'

'Uh yes please.'

'I have some spiced chai tea here would that do?'

'Yes sir.'

After a few minutes the man who was watching her intently said, 'I am certain you are curious as to why I'm keeping you here, for right now however I need you remain calm.' He said and watched her some more before continuing. 'When you return to your flat tonight I would like for you to remain there, if you need anything I would be more than happy to let someone supply you with the various things you need. But until all this is sorted out it would be best for you to go home.'

'But don't I have to give a statement or something because I witnessed someone die?'

'Yes, under normal circumstances but this is not normal. You did witness someone die but what you did not see was the man who committed this heinous crime.'

'So you're saying I don't have to go though the official proceedings?' Lily asked. She was confused, there was a lot going on that she obviously didn't know about because although she felt that could trust this man she didn't understand what he was saying. A lot of it made sense but then it really didn't. What about Petra and Pita? They were the other girls who worked for her boss. Petra was his personal assistant and Pita was his secretary.

'I'm going to let someone escort you home while I deal with the preparations. He will not stay with you but I will instruct him to put a protection spell on you flat just in case. I'm sure you don't feel very safe at the moment.'

He was right, she didn't. A shudder worked it way through her body once more and the door swung open to allow Black and …Potter to enter. Lily was in really too much shock to ask what the hell he was doing here and she did want to know.

'Ah good, I'm glad you boys made it back so quickly.'

'What's this all about sir?' James asked. He didn't quite know. All Sirius told him was that a woman indirectly saw a murder. But he was suspicious about it as well; James never could stand it when Sirius knew something he wasn't telling. He then looked down to where the woman was sitting.

Lily Evans? Don't tell me she was the one who saw a man being killed; this day is certainly looking up.

'I'm sure Mister Black filled you in on the key parts but before I talk to the two of you alone I must ask one of you to take Ms Evans to her flat, I know James that to two of you are neighbours and because of that I think it will be better if you take her but the choice is yours.'

It wasn't as though James had a choice, he was singled out even though the only factor in this delivery was that he was so close to her—correction Prongs, living close to her. But he couldn't say no to his superior.

'Its not a problem sir, I'll take her home and be back in ten minutes.'

'Good,' the older man said. 'Make sure you use the level three protection spell.' James said nothing about the level of protection she was getting. He didn't really understand it though; it wasn't as though she actually saw the murderer.

James stuck out his hand to a quiet Evans; she stared at it for a few seconds before placing her hand on his James ignored the spark that raced though his arm at her touch, it was only static. They then took the floo network to her flat. It was after he checked the perimeter that she spoke. 'I didn't know you were an auror.' And it sounded so accusing so haughty that James had to smile a little.

'Yes well I expect I did give the wrong impression the other day. I mean it did look like I pushed carts for a living,' James said and knew that was what she had been thinking when he almost ran her over then he added, 'but I'm not exactly an Auror.'

'You wouldn't be able to pay for your flat if you worked a job like that, I should have figured it out for myself but if you're not an Auror what are you.'

'I'm trained as a Healer but I am also trained in crime fighting therefore I qualify both as a Healer and an Auror,' he said.

It wasn't boasting just stating the facts. Could he help it if he summer boot camp Auror course before spending the other year in Healer's training while using the holidays to update his knowledge in Crime Scene Investigational Auror training. That was the year he spent totally away from his friends and his family. He only showed up on birthdays and Christmas. He wanted a promising career and totally devoting his mind and body to that accomplished more than he had hoped.

He was turning twenty-one next year and he hoped to move up in his ranking. Sirius on the other hand was completely satisfied which his role in the Southern Auror department, Emergency Action and Surveillance strategists. He was wild about his decisions in the team that was why he ended up working on the desk at his department.

'You're a little young aren't you?'

'I worked hard.' Was all he said when she spoke again.

'I suppose you could leave now?' she said and he frowned, that was rude and abrupt but what the hell he didn't want be there anyway.

'Desperate to have me leave? Well it won't matter anyway; we never do see anything of each other even if we live so close to each other.'

'Yes I want to be alone,' she said before turning and going into her bedroom.

'Lock all your doors, the protection spell I'm using wont allow anything to enter except after I use my wand to deactivate it.' he said but she didn't answer but he knew she heard him.

As he was closing the door, he heard her shower pipes start up and two minutes later after he protected her flat he left trying to figure out why her taking a shower disturbed him so much.

…

'I want the two of you sworn to secrecy, I do not want it getting out that Lily Evans saw Hosea Dawson being murdered. Never mind she didn't actually see the person doing the avada kadevra spell; the perpetrator will draw his own conclusions. I have an idea of whom the man was working for and I am sure you have too but it still cannot get out that that girl saw what was going on.

'We were lucky that Jonah Mavron is still alive, I still do not know how they managed to let him live but we'll worry about that later, No one knows that Ms Evans saw what happened and know one else is going to. Dumbledore is the only one privileged to that information and my brother would only hear it from me.

'Now about Ms Evans, she feels scared enough as it is but I am seventy-five percent sure that no harm will come to her. But I am worried about that small about of me that's unsatisfied. Then there is the possibility that they may come after Jonah. I think you two may remember him he went to Hogwarts a little before you graduated.'

'Yes sir, he was head boy when we were in fifth year.' Sirius said.

'I want the two of you to stay here to do damage control, you are the only ones who are to receive Frank Longbottom's report on the scene. I'm going to see my brother to discuss the situation.'

James spoke for the first time since returning to the office, he was curious, he didn't understand the need for them to be this concerned about Lily Evans. However he wasn't going to admit that for some reason he wanted it as much as they do.

'Sir, could I ask a question?' he asked to the back of his superior and Sirius looked at him as well.

'Go ahead James.' He said shrugging into his robes.

'I was wondering why were you going to talk to Professor Dumbledore about this, it has nothing to do with the order.'

'I'm afraid it does lad, we're going to recruit Lily Evans.'

'What?'

'Yes, I'm surprised you don't remember her name. We mentioned it to the order a year ago. She was living in Brussels at the time then moved to Mayfair but we hadn't gotten around to watch her until she moved to London recently. I have a simple solution to her problem but running it over with Albus will help me. I'll be back in twenty minutes.' And with those words he vanished.

Those particular words shocked James. Sure he thought her name was familiar but he had no idea it was her they were thinking of adding to their organization.

'Whoa, I never connected the name did you?' Sirius asked, which was obviously the stupidest question James had ever heard.

'If I had Padfoot wouldn't I have mentioned it to you before?' James said more calmly than what he was feeling, which was … he didn't really know. 'Lets go set up the forensics potions and wait for Frank.' With that he turned and left, he didn't not like Evans, he just didn't care…that was it.

Sirius followed behind muttering an 'at least I'm not at the desk anymore' but James barely heard him.

…

Lily heard her flat being released from the spell before she heard the knock on her door. She herself put a spell on her flat, Lily didn't hold to top rank in charm in the history of the school for nothing. She wasn't going to depend on James Potter for her safety no matter what he was—or how good he looked, sexy mouth or not.

No one could enter her flat unless she invited them; the spell originated from the vampires and was particularly strong. It was then she heard the voice of Aberforth Dumbledore asked her to opening the door.

Lily didn't know whether to breathe a sigh of relief or be even more scared. What if she had to go into hiding because Voldemort thought she saw the whole murder? After peeping through the hole at her door she noted that the only people who were standing at her door were Potter and the Chief of Aurors.

It was only the two of them, so that's good news right? She put forth that same question after she invited them inside the flat.

'It depends on how you look at it Ms Evans,' Aberforth Dumbledore said to her. He had a knack with those piercing blue eyes of his; it was as though he could see her to her very soul.

'How I look at what?' She said and her gaze swayed to where James was standing straight as a needle. Lily was beginning to get confused why they weren't getting to the point.

'First things first, we aren't positively sure that you're in danger, however while we figure out that you will have to have a bodyguard around you for most of the day.'

'Why do I need a bodyguard? I can take care of myself.'

'I don't doubt you can Ms Evans, after all scoring at the top of all your NEWTS is no easy task but I'll feel better knowing that one of my own is here.'

Lily didn't know how he knew all those things about her and she didn't want to. All she cared about was getting rid of her supposed bodyguard. There was no way she wasn't her privacy violated.

'What exactly is this supposed to entail?'

'Its not around the clock security, you will be escorted to work as normal, there you'll be watched discretely and then you'll be escorted back home.'

'What's if I have to go out?' she asked, not liking this already.

'If there's anything you need let us know, we'll provide it but other than that you may go out to lunches and sorts in public places.'

'Is all this quite necessary?'

'It is, now don't question him.' It was the first time since entering her flat that James Potter spoke and it wasn't a suggestion either.

Aberforth didn't seem to mind and it was that reaction that had Lily asking her next question. 'May I ask who will be protecting me?'

'That's simple, there are only three people other than myself who know exactly what happened today, Sirius Black whom you've met today James Potter and Albus Dumbledore—my brother. The choice is logical; he is the best of all my men so James would be the one to safe guard you.'

'What?' Lily had not been expecting that. There was no way she would let this arrogant jerk—no matter how sexy he was—do something, she can than take care of herself. 'What about Jonah, how is he and the other two girls who works there?'

'He is fine and is planning on working Monday but he's being watched as well. And as for Ms Petra and Ms Pita all they know is that there was an attack and someone was killed. There is no chance that they will be harmed.'

'That's good.'

'Yes but there is another matter I must tell you about,' Aberforth said as though he hadn't shocked the life out of her. 'I belong to a group that wishes to enlist your services.'

'Okay…' where was he getting at? Everything was not making any sense to her.

'Ms Evans I think you should sit down and listen to what I'm about to propose. If you agree then we'll induct you if you're not willing to join us, I'm afraid I'll have to adjust your memory.'

Aberforth led her to the couch and sat opposite her. James followed them but positioned himself on the left of her.

'First of all you should know that my brother Albus and I founded this group called the Order of the Phoenix. We have gathered those we trust the most and some of the strongest to help in the fight against Voldemort.'

'That's a worthy cause but what does that have to do with me.' Lily asked. She wasn't so stupid as to plunge head first into something that seemed like a praiseworthy cause. She shifted her glance momentarily to James and he gave her a nod. He seemed to read her mind. Okay now she knew that he was in the order as well and from what Aberforth had said earlier, he was one of the strongest they had.

'We—that is Albus and I—have been noting your movements for just over a year now and throughout that year we've learned a lot of things about you.'

'Go on,' she said still weirded out by the fact that they were watching her for so long. Did they know about Charlie? About Charlie's husband? If they did he didn't mention it in his next words.

'I know you are or was rather taught a few muggle techniques by your father.'

'How did you know about that?'

'It's very complicated but I do know you were very good at it. your father must have been a fantastic teacher.'

Lily had to grin at that. Her father was a thief, a very good one. Professionally he answer to the name grève rapide—quick strike. He had given it up when he married her mother but there were a few people he did work for, one of them was Interpol. He had trained her on her insistence and his need for a petite person to help him. It turned out he taught better gymnastics than her teacher and by the age of ten she could already grapple and climb over a wall. When she got accepted into Hogwarts, he encouraged her to go.

And then when she returned over the breaks he would teacher her some more. But since he died in her sixth year, she saw no need to continue doing any of those tricks.

'He was, but I'm afraid its been a while since I last broke into a place or did any jobs.'

'That's all right. There are things we want your help in and you can always require your skills where it is needed.'

'So what you're suggesting is that I join you? This Order?'

'Yes, I would like you to join our cause but I must ask you to answer now. It is a secret organization and for it get out would be disastrous on all of us.'

He wanted an answer now? Lily couldn't just blurt out she wanted to be included, she really did want to join. Voldemort's hurt so much people, muggles, muggleborns and anyone who ever stood up for anything muggle-like.

'Okay then , I accept your proposal, I will join you.'

'Great, that's fabulous. I need to go, I have matters to attend to but James here will take you to Albus now.'

'Now?'

'Yes dear, we must get you sworn in immediately. Potter lock the door behind me and stay until she gets ready.'

Two minutes later the man was gone. If he was the co-founder of this thing, then should he be the one to take her?

When they arrived at the headquarters James took Lily along all those passages until they came up towards a door.

'I'll meet you here when it's over to escort you back home.' James told her politely and she just looked at him.

'Why did they really assign you to watch over me?'

'Aberforth and Professor Dumbledore felt that since I lived right next to you it would be much simpler if I was the one to guard you for both the Ministry and the Order.'

'I see,' she said and she did. Professor Dumbledore? Oh she thought she knew the name. he was the headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

'Now I get to ask you something,' he said suddenly when she would have expected him to turn around.

'All right, what is it?'

'I've gathered that you're smart, at the top of your class you've had to be and I read your file, you're really good in the muggle thing as well. Tell me something why would you choose something so dull and small as a law clerk?'

That was a question she hadn't expected. One thing was for sure, she wasn't going to tell him that she was opting for a more mundane life. She had wanted to be a Healer but he was one, she had also wanted to go into research but Charlie took that up. There was no

way she wanted to be associated to them like that. It caused her too much unnecessary pain.

'There is no real reason, I just decided to settle for routine.' She said and with those words opened the door to her new fate, which would forever change her life.

* * *

**Hope you read and review and i hope as well that u enjoy ur holidays!!**


	3. Chapter Three: Prophetical theories

_**Its finally here, I'm sorry it took so long but a sweet refrain was easier and faster to write and i sorta got stuck with this one.**_

**_Hope ya R&R_**

_**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything familiar._

…

**My quote of the chapter:** "Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?" Edgar Bergen

…

**_Chapter 3: Prophetical theories_**

Do not go anywhere alone.

Do not leave without telling the great and mighty James Potter about it.

Do not talk to anyone you find strange.

Forget the incident at the Law Office ever happened.

Tuh _those_ were his bloody rules of engagement, well the modified version anyway. Lily could not have been angrier. She had stayed an hour with Albus Dumbledore where he had gone into more detail on when and how the Order was founded. She had signed many things and learned how to use her wand to contact them.

Lily was excited and fascinated by everything the old grey haired man had shown her. Aberforth had come in thirty-five minutes into the meeting and spoken to her as well.

What she was not expecting was the unnecessary rules. After escorting her home James had told her in no uncertain terms that she was to follow every single one of them. There was no way he was going to allow her get hurt under his watch.

Lily would have been touch in ordinary circumstances but in that's particular case the man was being downright rude and acted only under orders. He expressed to emotion what-so-ever. What happened to the man with the sexy smile, the smiling man who swung his cousin around?

Apparently she was never going to be on the receiving end of a smile—not that she wanted anything to do with it—only a scowl but that still didn't stop her from dreaming about his mouth that night.

If Lily thought it would be easier in the morning to survive the entity that was James Potter she was wrong. He showed up at her door in a somewhat slightly better mood than yesterday evening and to her consternation her gaze immediately went to his mouth in remembrance of her dream.

She was still tingling from the potency of the effect of the dream. As she watched him speak she was shocked to notice, not once had she remembered the person, the man she had professed to love. It irritated her to no end because until he had married she had always believed that he was her true soul mate, the one she had been saving herself for.

But until last year the man who she always had in her mind's eye wasn't with in her grasp anymore. She was the maid of honour at their wedding and before that she was the referee between them now that they were in love and married Lily found it hard to be around them.

Jack.

Kind and clam Jack. The man who was gentle and perceptive, the man who loved her best friend. The man who can never be hers.

It was why she could stay in her home town, why her best mate felt as though she was being pushed away.

No one could ever know she loved him and she'll spend eternity alone.

…

Going down the lift James couldn't help but stare at Lily. He was trying to keep a firm grip on things. It didn't do well for him that he was starting to fantasize about Ms Evans there. Professional, be a professional.

He knew too many men who fell in love with those they were supposed to be protection but that wasn't about to happen to him. He had a strong will power and he used it. No sense being friendly as he normally was with people because Evans was different and it was good sense that had him keeping an emotional distance away from her.

Yesterday was a pain, she looked as though she though he smelled or something. _Tuh_, maybe she should kiss his ass. Why was he wasting time thinking about her? He had more important things to deal with but without realising what he was doing James let his eyes drift down to Lily's mouth. It was soft and full and oh so infinitely kissable. He could just imagine how it would feel under his…how _she_ would feel…how she would _look_, her eyes blind with a vulnerable haunted look of longing and desire that would make him want…

The lift stopped and with a start James dragged his thoughts back to reality.

As Lily preceded James into the private hallway which led out doors she was aware of feeling distinctly wobbly. That on earth was happening to her? Why had she experienced that extraordinary sensation just now, as though…as though…?

Instinctively she lifted her hand to her lips. The only man she had fantasized about kissing her, the only man she wanted to have kissed her with the kind of intimacy and passion she had just been imagining was Jack. Jack not…her thoughts skittered to a frantic halt, refusing to allow her to question just why she had experienced that extraordinary sensation of having her mouth so expertly and intimately kissed, and by a man she neither knew nor even wanted to know, she told herself that Jack was just about as far removed from James Potter as two men could be.

Jack was gentle, kind and reassuringly safe in his manner. While James Potter was aggressive and possessed the kind of sexual aura that…Lily shuddered. What on earth would she want with such a raw, dangerous outright hunk of male sexuality?

…

It was two weeks and he was finished. He should celebrate really; there were no foreseen or seen threats so both Dumbledores had terminated his bodyguard stint. He reminded himself yet again that he wasn't to dwell on anything to do with Lily Evans and just as it had been during the past two weeks it was the same now …hard.

He was sitting in his usual position at the table next to his mates, Sirius, Remus and Peter. The meeting had just ended and his gaze went directly to Lily but as soon as he caught himself he focussed on what Remus was saying.

Just then however Alice Longbottom spoke up.

'Okay, well you all know about the fair in two weeks time and as usual we're holding an informal dinner at the park for all our friends. It would be marvellous for those that are going to come. I know it wouldn't be too good for all of the Order to be in one place at one time but I'd like to see at least the younger ones. I hope all of you can make it.'

James grinned; Sienna was after him to make sure to take her this year. _As if_, he thought, he took her every year, she was never one to miss things.

After a while he managed not to look in the Lily Evan's direction at all, immensely proud of himself he didn't realise it until his gaze focused on her again that his record in the making crashed and burned, Merlin, its going to be a long night.

…

'James come on,' Sienna said dragging him closer to the entrance.

'I'm coming, you're in too much of a hurry, why are you so eager?' James said somewhat crossly.

'I want to do everything besides Sirius told me Lily was going to be here and I want to see her.' She said hurry forwards.

_Tuh Sirius and his big bloody mouth_, Sienna had met up with Lily again before the fair and now she can't talk about anything besides her. Oy this is going to be a long _hard_ day. He did not like it one bit.

When Sienna dragged him around for five minutes they saw Lily in the middle of a small crowd of children. 'Come one James lets go talk to her,' the girl said tugging him closer.

'No, can't you see she's busy. Look if you want you can wait for her. Meet me at the fish and chips stall in half an hour then okay.' James said struck with that idea. Yes he got out of that one.

'Okay fine, sure, see you later.' Sienna said and waited for Lily to finish. It took a little while but Lily finished the story to the children. Sienna knew most of them were orphans like her but unlike them she had a loving grandmother and cousin.

She didn't know what she would do without them and that made what Lily was doing all the more wonderful and Sienna did think she was wonderful. She was actually the first girl who didn't fall over herself to get to James and Sienna thought by just that they would suit each other to a T.

James needed a sane girl to keep him grounded and she would let him know that. She waved when Lily noticed her and she waved back. Just by the genuine look on Lily's face made Sienna all the more determined to tell her cousin to ask her out—but she'll be subtle about it of course. He never did appreciate when she tried to get him to go out with a girl she liked.

'Hi, how are you?' she asked when she reached Sienna.

'I'm great; James and I were looking for you.' Really she couldn't imagine James would be too pleased. But she already had one too many surprises for one day and really she couldn't be upset since it was for a good reason. Maybe it hadn't suited her but no one knew that.

Jack and Charlie were here. Alice invited them. The woman's heart was in the right place when she suggested that they stay with her for the weekend. It had been a surprise for Lily to welcome her more into the fold. And really she couldn't be angry at someone who had really good intentions.

The thing was she _knew_ they were there, she just hadn't seen them or they hadn't seen her. She had ducked out when she caught a glimpse of her best mate. It made her feel totally guilty.

Just then however Petra her friend from work who was also there came up and Lily gave her a smile of welcome.

'I've come to relieve you,' she said brightly. You'd never know it was eating her alive to see her boss—the man she was half in love with—with another woman.

'Oh good that means you can come with me and help find my cousin,' Sienna informed Lily as she slipped an arm through hers.

Find _James_! That was the _last_ thing Lily wanted to do, but Sienna obviously wasn't going to take no for an answer and so reluctantly Lily found herself walking beside her as Sienna led the way to the spot where she had arranged to meet James.

…

'Look who I brought with me,' Sienna told James as she gaily wriggled her way through the crowds to his side tugging Lily after her.

'I'll bet you're dying fro something to drink after all that story telling,' she teased Lily as she slipped her free arm around her cousin's so that she was standing between them.

'James,' she began but Lily, guessing what was coming and knowing that James would have as little appetite for her company as she did for his forestalled Sienna quickly , 'No Sienna its all right, I'm going to the Longbottom's do so I don't need anything, they'll be expecting me to join them.'

James frowned, well if she didn't want his company why couldn't she have just said so. They too were going to Frank and Alice's picnic party thing.

Then suddenly out of the corner of her eye Lily saw a little boy trip and acting on pure instinct she rush and caught him before he hit the edge of the pavement. As she grabbed him he gave a loud wail of protest that quickly turned to a broad smile as Lily distracted him by cuddling him and asking him who he was.

'Mama,' the little boy in question said and Lily turned to face his mother. She was a short woman with dark olive skin and a kind smile.

'Jem,' she said and took him from Lily.

'I'm sorry he was going to fall.' lily said by way of explanation. She didn't want he other woman to think she would harm the child.

'Oh I know,' she said, 'I saw,' she said and as Lily gazed into her eyes she found that could not draw her own gaze away. The velvety dark eyes were intense and hypnotic and it pulled her.

'Here,' the woman added meaningfully as she touched her forehead. 'I sensed he was in danger and when I saw you reaching for him…'her eyes flashed with pride and superiority as she saw Lily's expression.

'If you don't believe me ask him,' she told Lily with a small toss of her head looking at James. '_He's_ one of us and he knows we have the gift, the sight.'

Of course James knew, he knew some of them had the sight. Hadn't his own mother projects images as well? He didn't have it, of course maybe being half gypsy and have wizard he wasn't expected to have it but as far as he knew he didn't have the sight.

Lily didn't look at James. She didn't know he was gypsy or at least part gypsy given his colouring that was nothing like the woman before her.

'I'm not doubting you,' Lily reassured her, gently reaching out her hand and ruffled the boys curls. It was dark like his mother's like James's and wonderfully soft to touch. James' child…James' son would have just such hair but straight and untidy she decided. For a moment she thought she must be falling under some kind of spell the gypsy woman had cast, for unbelievably she suddenly had a mental image of James' child as compelling and lifelike as though he already existed. But almost immediately her common sense reasserted itself and she told herself that she was just being over imaginative or maybe it was because she hadn't eaten for that day?

Whatever it was all Lily knew was that no such child existed but as they were about to walk away the gypsy lady reached for Lily's arm and jerked her head towards her son, 'this is not he child you have made together,' she said as if reading Lily's mind 'but there _will_ be one and very soon.'

Releasing Lily she turned to James who had listened to the entire exchange in silence.

'You do not believe me but it is true,' the gypsy told him fiercely. 'Give me your hand,' she instructed Lily, reaching for it before Lily had a chance to tell her it wasn't necessary for her to tell any kind of fortune.

It was ridiculous for her to feel as though the woman had great seeing ability but Lily knew there were only a few people who had the gift of sight, this woman might not be one of them but it _was_ how she felt as the woman poured over her hand and then announced firmly, 'it is written quite clearly here. You are in one another's fates, although neither of you has recognised it yet, but before you can do so, you' she told James, 'you must close the door on what you are using to deny yourself a future. There is no need for it. And you,' she told Lily more gently, 'must close the door on what you know can never rightfully belong to you…'

For a moment none of them spoke, stillness—silence—enveloped them like an invisibility cloak and the excitedly Sienna rushed forwards and produced her hand to have her future revealed. 'What about me? What can you see in my hand?'

The woman smiled at Sienna and released Lily's hand before taking the young girls. 'You'll grow up to do many things, make great journeys. You will be among those who will give the world a great amount of good.' And then abruptly she released Sienna's hand and was gone.

'Well that was extraordinary; my Divination teacher is nothing like that. I felt as though she was casting a spell over me. Did you feel it too James?' Sienna asked.

'It's more than likely she was cast a spell, it's all rubbish of course. There is no way for her to be a seer. Seers are normally registered with the Aurors Department and I don't think she is.' He argued but he wasn't going to admit to himself that it was not a requirement for Seers to register; it was only well known Seers that do so in order to help in a case.

'I really must go,' Lily said hastily, and since there was no way she could bring herself to look at James she stared at Sienna. 'I have to,' she said desperately trying to find an excuse, 'to go see my mate and her husband. She came a long way, from Brussels. Alice invited her and I haven't met with them yet.' She said by way of explanation.

But before she could make her hasty exit her boss showed up followed by an uncomfortable looking Petra.

'Alice wants us to meet for lunch now,' Petra smiling at Lily in a way that made her want to laugh.

'Yes, she also says to go to their normal area,' Jonah said before taking the arm of both Sienna and a slightly flustered Petra and leading the way. After following behind them for a few seconds Jonah stopped.

'Lily, Alice told me to remind you that you were supposed to bring the cutlery for the dessert,' he said. 'Sorry I forgot to tell you.'

'Oh don't worry, it's in my car behind the barrier,' Lily said, 'I'll go get it.' she really didn't want to be in the company of James at the moment.

Lily had gone less than a few dozen yards away from the barrier when she heard James call her name. Turning around warily she watched as he hurried up to meet her.

'I wanted to have a few words with you before we meet the rest of them for lunch,' he told her curtly. 'All the fake rubbish that gypsy spouted had nothing to do with me.' He informed her unnecessarily and Lily could feel her temper rising of all the bloody nerve of the man.

'It didn't have anything to do with me either; the idea of it all is totally ridiculous,' she said hotly. 'First of all we would have to …'

She stopped, her face going scarlet at the unexpected imagery that came to mind to fulfill the predictions.

'We'd have to what?' James asked softly for her. 'Go to bed together? Is that what you were going to say?'

'Primly Lily looked away from him before answering in a much stiffed voice, 'Actually no. What I was err going to say was that we'd have to … to have a very different relationship from the one we have …'

'Like I said, we'd have to go to bed together,' James said tersely. 'and there is no way that's going to happen.'

Lily was steamed. She drew up her pride that was punched by his total rejection of her 'you're right it isn't because there is no way I would _want_ you too. You're not the kind of man I'm attracted to.'

'Then what kind are you attracted to?' he challenged her sharply.

Lily was too caught up in her feelings to be either cautious or tactful. 'Well, he would _not_ be anything like you.' Her eyes suddenly became dreamy as she said the words. 'He would be gentle, caring…understanding,' then she stopped and looked at him. 'he would not be _anything_ like you.'

'No he wouldn't,' James agreed scornfully. 'Not me nor like any other red-blooded male. He sounds like a sexless cardboard cut out of a man.'

'You're just saying that because you're not like that,' Lily cut him off defiantly, 'there are men like that, men who…'

'Men who what?' he asked falling into step behind her as she turned on her heel and headed towards her car.

When she continued to ignore him James reached for her arm, 'let go of me.'

'Not until you've answered my question,' he told her. 'Tell about this mythical male you deem so desirable because it cannot be his sexuality because you'll find that most men and women want the pleasure of stimulating their partner's sexual desires.'

'What I find is none of you concern.'

'Probably not,' James agreed but then he stepped closer trapping her against the tree. 'Or probably that gypsy knows more about what she is talking about than we realised shall we find out?

'No…' Lily started to protest but it was too late when his mouth came down expertly on hers with one hand on her shoulder and the other on her waist. Dizzily she wondered where they were and why she was feeling this sudden light-headedness.

James lifted his hand from her waist and ran it slowly up to cup her breast teasing the already pouted nipple and she moaned sharply as she drew closer to his hardness. She unexpectedly bit into his lip and froze as he cursed.

'You're a liar Lily, you don't want a gentle passive lover, you want a man whose passion matches your own.'

She watched his eyes bore down her own, 'what I don't want is you.' She protested as her body betrayed her and remained where it was—plastered against his.

'And I don't want you, but this—' he said and broke off as he bent his head again and took her mouth again. Lily couldn't help it she moaned as his tongue plunged into her mouth. The heat outside was nothing as compared to the heat generating inside her.

She knew she had to break away from him, she knew she had to but why were her arms circling him and why was her body pressed so close against his?

…

…

…

…

…

At least you know, I got more reviews for this chapter…LOL:

Anyways

**Jessiquie:** Hey thanks a lot, its great to see ya again!

**Lady of Masbolle**: LOL I already went in the Chai direction I don't need to go there again but I caould say it tastes like normal tea..::shrugs::

**Jessie xxx :** Meh, you should type something …anything will do but yeah cries type

**I'm still Drizzy**: Cool, because I was worried that people wouldn't take tot eh storyline much.

**SumeR's Girl**: YAY I love you, thanks a lot of liking the story line!!

**Sassafras**: Charlie is her best friend from school.

**Greengrl**: YAY, thanks for reading!!!

**Hpjsr**: Thanks

**Miss-mags-ak: **kk

**Moon chaos**: YAY thanks, you're a great reader and reviewer, I hope you enjoyed your holidays! WOO seeya soon

**Lavamad**: Anna of course I talk too much, and too loud and too fast but yeah I know. Anywho here is the chapter…finally but yeah, hope its not too boring…blah.

**Kristin**: Yay you're here I'm glad

Hope you read and review guys,

Luv ya

Sasha!!!


	4. Chapter 4: Hot topic

**Disclaimer**: I do not own anything familiar.

**About the story**: Okay so it's been a while…a very long while…I can't remember if it's a month yet but I am very sorry….with the start of school everything went a little haywire and well this story took a back burner to the fact that **_a sweet refrain_** had to be finished.

I wont update next week seeing as thought I have FOUR freaking tests to study for…damn those people for ganging up on me…yeah anyway I'll update the week after next. Thing is I'm not sure how many chapter are remaining. I can say for sure that it wont be more than three after this one.

I think I'm getting sick as well which does not bode well for my mid terms…I g2g later guys…

Love you,

Sasha

* * *

**My quote for the chapter:** It was either this or another one...lol I'll put that in the other chapter!

**_"If it wasn't for pick pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all."_—**_Rodney Dangerfield._

* * *

**Recap: **After Lily met up with Sienna and James, the little group got a surprise prediction from a gypsy. Lily's best mate Charlotte a.k.a. Charlie came with her husband Jack—the man that Lily is in love with—to attend the annual fair for the orphans.

* * *

**Chapter 4: Hot topic**

_Oh good grief_.

Lily honestly never felt this burning sensation before and the thought frightened her. She needed to stop but her body was not cooperating with her mind because it decided that it wanted to be closer and pushed more firmly against his hard body. And he was hard; _everywhere_ Lily couldn't seem to stop the pleasure flooding her and the feel of his powerful chest, _legs_ … everything against her.

Then suddenly he pushed her away from him and by just the look on his face she turned scarlet. He was furious and was looking at her as though she had thrown herself at him and he didn't like it.

'_That_ is never going to happen again,' he said tautly.

'Do you think I wanted it to happen in the first place?' she said getting control of herself and flung the angry words back at him.

Without answering he turned and stalked back to the fair in the direction of the picnic. He was a conceited ass if she ever saw one that was for sure… but even when she went to her car and returning her lips and skin was still burning from his touch.

…

If anyone asked her why she was sitting so stiffly Lily would have told them to shut up and leave her alone. Her nerves were stretched to their endings and she half wished she could just get up and leave however people would find it strange that she was leaving in the middle of the meal.

When she had returned with the necessary cutlery she'd hugged and kissed Charlie but as always since the wedding she just gave Jack an uncomfortable fleeting hug. They laughed and talked, catching up on a few things while Alice made sure everything was there and ready.

_Of course that isn't the reason for my stiff back_ Lily thought in wry irony. Somehow she got manoeuvred into sitting in the worst place possible. She primly sat in the middle and didn't move for if she dressed to her left she would be closer to Jack and if she happened to shift to her right James was there.

Although neither of them seemed to be paying her any attention she could help but feel awkward. She practically jumped James bones out there giving no thought to if anyone saw them. She was supposed to be in love with Jack and here he was more than a foot from where she was and all she could remember was the burning sensations James had caused.

And if she admitted it to herself right then and there she would realized it was still there creating havoc while her body pleaded for more. It made her dislike the man all the more.

'Who do you want to kill?' Alice said looking at her.

'What?' Lily asked confused, she looked around but no Alice was talking to her.

'The expression you're wearing on your face…it tells me there is someone whose head you'd like to rip off.'

'Uh,' she said and felt rather than saw James's gaze swing in her direction. There was no freaking way she was even going to spare him a glance. She had to think about a plausible excuse…now. 'No that not it, I was just remembering I have to call my sister,' she said totally relived that it was true she did have to call Petunia…never mind it was to send her money for their parents' memorial.

'How come you want to rip off your sisters head?' James asked and she read the scepticism in his voice and she turned towards him. He had a smug look on his face as though he knew just what she was thinking about. Well she had news for him she had felt like ripping off her sisters head in the past…far too many times to count.

'Easy, her sister is a bitch,' Charlie spoke up startling everyone_. Thank god for best friends_, Lily thought. _Well I got out of that one._

'Now Charlie,' Jack reasoned, 'I'm sure Lily doesn't appreciate you calling her sister names.'

'But honestly Jack she doesn't mind,' Charlie said without even looking at Lily for confirmation, 'and _you've_ met her yourself so you can't blame me for telling the truth.'

Lily grinned at her mate's reasoning.

'Okay I concede love, you're right,' he said laughing and gave Charlie a quick kiss. Lily didn't miss the air of love they created or the significant look in their eyes as they smiled at each other. She turned away but not before she caught James looking at her strangely.

Well at least he didn't think she was still thinking about him she thought as she focused on Alice saying something about siblings. She could only hope that James Potter would disappear of the face of the planet and leave her mind and body alone.

…

James didn't comment on the look he saw on Lily's face. It was obvious that she felt uncomfortable around them. Her hand went down to brushed something from her leg and his gaze followed. Watching her in shorts made his body…somewhere in the south vicinity tighten.

Bloody hell, he wished his damn body would stop reacting to her this way but then his eyes trailed lower of their own accord soaking in each sweet inch of those long legs. He didn't like her, not one little bit and could not understand why he felt that stupid pull towards her. It didn't help that she was wearing those shorts that seem to rid even higher every single time she moved. _Shit!_

He knew he shouldn't have kissed her. James knew he couldn't blame the fact that it was her smug naive attitude that had him devouring her mouth the way he had. It was stupid and the most idiotic thing about it was that he could still taste her on his tongue. No amount of food was killing it.

Not only that his skin was still imprinted with the feel of hers. If he was honest with himself he would admit that he still had a hard-on from their previous encounter but there was nothing he could do about it. The feel of her breast pressed against him was there along with the fact that her straining nipples had him wanting to rip off her top and taste them.

Maybe he had been with out a woman too long. That had to be it. He was never going to get involved with anyone the fact was all the women he had been with knew the score. He was not looking for a relationship _that was why_ he thought wryly _I can't get involved with Evans_.

He took the rest of his sandwich in stuffed it into his mouth; his groin stirring at the thought of what he really wanted there.

Blast her anyway.

It was all thanks to that gypsy they saw. She planted that stupid baby thought into his head and now his body can't seem to think anything other than _really_ making one in the literal sense. She can't have been one of the few handfuls of gypsies that were seers. It just wasn't possible. His mother was different he knew, she was a seer and she went to Hogwarts with his dad, she was among the few seeing gypsies who had magic in them. James knew his mother was special but there was no way he would believe that crap and end up with Lily as anything much less his wife or the mother of his child.

No way on this bloody green earth.

…

'Oh my gosh, Lily you should have told me.' Charlie said after visiting Lily's flat the day she was to leave.

'Told you what?' Lily asked confused after she gave her friend the tour.

'James's little cousin told me everything. I mean that is so romantic. You're dating and then suddenly there is a sign and then you know you have to be together.' Charlie said and sighed dramatically.

'Charlotte would you please make some sense,' Lily said and her best friend just laughed at her.

'You silly goose, Sienna told me all about what the gypsy said about you and the dashing Mr Potter and I must say I think it's the perfect time for a wedding. Oh fess up,' Charlie said laughing at the expression on Lily's face mistaking the horror of miscommunication for that of secret keeping.

'The two of you shouldn't waste much time. After all there is apparently a baby on the way soon.' Charlie said heading for the kitchen.

Lily felt sick. Charlie got the wrong impression of what Sienna meant. James was going to kill her if he knew but then again there is no cause for alarm. Yes if she let Charlie believe that there was a thing going on between her and James she wont feel the discomfort when Lily was around her and Jack.

Shoving a glass of peach juice into her hand a couple minutes later Charlie bore down on Lily again. 'I got the impression from Sienna that she doesn't mind that the two of you are together so what's the big deal about people knowing. Come on admit it … at least to me.'

Lily still wasn't sure if she should just tell her.

'Never mind I saw the sparks fly at the park and I never guessed it. What kind of a mate am I that I can't spot when my best mate is half way in love?'

'Umm hmmm,' she said smiling noncommittally. She wasn't going to lie but she wasn't going to tell the truth either the thing was she wasn't going to dissuade Charlie that she jumped to the wrong conclusion. After all what could it hurt if Charlie and Jack alone knew? No one else did.

…

'It's just marvellous Lily. Totally divine, who would have guessed huh?' Alice exclaimed excitedly at the end of the last Order meeting.

'What are you talking about?' Lily asked frozen. She was just about to leave too.

'Oh I'm sorry I must have shocked you there didn't I. Thing is I hadn't realised that you and James were dealing privately but honestly Lily if it's that serious you shouldn't keep it under raps…anyway I don't think it would be that way for much longer.' Alice told her grinning and Lily once again felt her stomach begin to roll.

'What do you mean by that?' she asked almost afraid to go ahead with the question.

Alice laughed, 'I expect everyone will be telling you their surprise at your relationship soon too bad that James is away, we'd love to see the two of you together for ourselves. I may have suggested it earlier …before you came. I am sorry that I stepped on your toes about it but it really is exciting.'

_Oh for the love of god_.

'It's just too bad you hadn't gotten together before you both bought flats right next to each other I bet you he sleeps over a lot.' Alice went on. 'I expect you can tell me all about what the two of you have decided about the living arrangements.'

'Uh I can't stay, loads of work you know,' Lily said backing away _and I'm still a virgin for crying out loud._ Lily turned to see James' mates coming toward her and not knowing what to do shot out, 'I'll see you soon okay.' And with those last words Lily left the meeting and apparated outside her building.

She was going to die; there was no way around it.

…

_**The next day…**_

_It's almost like he never left_, James thought wryly as Sirius made yet another appearance at the precinct since returning to his own after the six weeks were up. At least he hadn't seen him for the four days that he had been away on a business trip. He had come to the office straight from the portkey transport.

'They really do need to take away that charm so you can't apparate in here at will.' He told his friend after looking up from one of the files he was going over.

'Don't worry Aberforth likes me too much,' Sirius said airily as he made himself at home on the chair opposite James. 'When do you get off for lunch?'

'It's already past lunch,' James said noting that it was after four in the afternoon, 'besides I wasn't planning on going for lunch today,' he said seriously.

'Aw come on mate, I know this great restaurant … well I haven't tried it but I heard it was great besides you just came back _from_ work.' Sirius said pleadingly but in truth James was leaving early to go home after all he hadn't needed to come back to the office for the day.

'Okay fine I'll come but give me a few minutes to finish this,' James said before scribbling a few things on the sheets in front of him.

Twenty minutes later they reached their destination and James looked sceptically at his mate then at the establishment in front of him.

'Uh Sirius are you sure this is where you want to eat?' something was definitely wrong.

'Yeah, I heard they make this really great dish with rye crackers with lettuce and prawns and Marie Rose sauce. 'Sirius said with relish and James looked at him. Sirius really was an odd bird. Here they were at a restaurant…correction a girlie restaurant and Sirius was raving about the dishes here as if he was some small animal. He didn't want any sort of thing with prawns. What the hell were those anyway? He didn't want to mention lettuce, hated salads…there was no way he was going near them, he was not a rabbit.

'Sirius I would prefer it if we went to that fish and chips stall down near the harbour front,' James said starting to back away slowly from the entrance but suddenly Sirius grabbed his arm and yanked him to the person in charge of seating.

They were seated pretty quickly but the woman who seated them did look oddly at them. James scowling thinking she better not see them as a gay couple then he focused on Sirius.

'What are we doing here Padfoot?'

'If you don't know then I guess it a lost cause trying to tell you,' he said defiantly and then focused all his attention on a waitress that just walked past them.

James was seething silently and was even more ticked when Sirius mentioned casually, 'You're in a mood.'

'Mood? I am not in any sort of mood.'

'Yes you are, ever since the fair last week you've been acting weird. How's your sex life mate?'

James started coughing violently as a piece of bread went down the wrong way. 'That is none of your business,' said after calming down slightly.

Sirius did not know anything, which was really good considering that his dark mood was caused by someone he had no wish to talk about much less think about.

Taste.

It was her taste that seemed to haunt him. This past week he had been angry with himself because he couldn't sleep without thinking about her. Damn that woman anyway, he did not need her at all.

'You should have told me you were having a go at her mate; I wouldn't have flirted with her so much at the fair.'

'What are you talking about?'

'I mean Evans, I had no idea you had a thing thought I expect after she let the secret out she might have been wishing she had kept quiet about it herself.'

'Sirius you aren't making much sense.'

'Blimey mate, I mean really, you've got to go see her. That's why you're in a snit isn't it? I bet it was Lily you'd rather be having lunch…okay dinner with than me.' he said laughing.

'Lily? What?'

'Yeah I know about the two of you, rather I think the whole blooming order knows about the two of you, you've create quite a stir. I hear Alice is thrilled, she was the one who informed everyone after Lily's friend Charlie told her everything.'

'So what… Lily told Charlie all about … us?' James asked trying not to show his temper. _What the mother freaking hell was going on here?_

'Yeah apparently Charlie wheedled it out of Lily, who told her that you two were serious and that the gypsy was probably right when she predicted your future Sienna had told her about the whole prediction and I guess mate with your background she really was right. You know I was pretty pissed at you for not telling any of us anything like that.' Sirius said staring at him. 'You should know better than to hide secrets from us, we'd find them out anyway but the most important thing I have to tell you is that we're your friends, you're not suppose to keep secrets from us—we won't judge you.'

James didn't say a word. How could he? When all he wanted to do was ask Evans what the hell she was getting at. The whole bloody planet knew something that was not even true. Staring at Sirius a while longer James made up his mind to go home to his flat. Somehow he wasn't hungry anymore.

'Mate, I just remembered that there is something I got to do in my flat so I'll see you sometime tomorrow okay?' James said his mind miles away.

Sirius gave him a sly wink, 'Honestly man you have a hot woman waiting for you at home and you're here with me? Go on and see her, I'll sit here, enjoy my view and eat my food.'

Uh huh, well Sirius was wrong about more than one thing Lily Evans was not his woman and he was not going to see her darn it. He was going to go home, shower and got to sleep. It was her fault he hadn't gotten much sleep these past few nights anyway. James' temper flared but tried not to show it.

'Yeah well, I'll see you mate.' He said then left the restaurant before apparating to the front of the building. Taking the lift up he contemplated going to give Evans a piece of his mind. But nearing both their doorways he promptly turned and went into his own flat—it was a free country …he was allowed to change his mind.

But minutes later after towelling himself dry, _after_ knowing that he was tired and needed to catch up on some much needed sleep or else he couldn't behave logically why was he heading towards the door to meet Evans?

As he reached her front door he assured himself that he had every right to get an explanation, the aim alone was justifiable…wasn't it?

…

Lily had had a bad day—more than that it was horrible starting from her late start to her messing up her research. It was already after five, closing on six. She had left the office an hour early in the hopes of stemming an on coming headache. Since she was due sometime off her boss hadn't minded.

It couldn't get any worse could it?

Lily was soaking in the bathtub trying to relax the tension she had acquired that day when she heard the faint shrill of her intercom. Cursing under her breath she climbed out of the bath, grabbing a towel on her way as she padded damply towards the intercom where she flicked the switch and asked tiredly, 'yes, who is it?'

'James Potter.'

James! James was _back_. Panic froze her, rendering her unable to come back with a response.

'Lily.' James' voice was unpromisingly charged with quiet fury.

'I—err was on my way to bed,' she told him, not necessarily untruthful, even while her conscience warned her that she was being a coward and that most sensible thing she could do was see him and explain what had happened.

Oh Merlin, e_xplain_…as if it was that easy.

She closed her eyes and then opened them again when she heard James say softly, 'On your way to bed. Well, how very appropriate…in view of our…relationship…'

So he _had_ heard. Not that she had doubted it; the very tone of his voice had told her that he knew.

Lily took a deep breath. There was nothing else for it. She was going to have to face him.

'I—I can explain,' she whispered into the intercom. 'But not now … tomorrow…'

'Now,' James replied relentlessly. 'Unless you want me to owl everyone and let them no that you're a lying…'

'No…No…now, then—' Lily agreed, momentarily forgetting that all she was wearing was a damp towel as she activated the mechanism to release the hold on the lock.

She froze as James walked in. there was a faint dark shadow across his jaw and Lily bit down an insistent urge to touch it, to taste it. He looked every bit as angry as he had sounded but when he saw her he didn't let into her as she had expected instead he looked at her deliberately and extensively.

Her face burned as Lily suddenly realised how he must be seeing her, her hair bunched up atop her head and her body still damp from her bath…her only covering was the medium sized cream towel she wore.

'I—I'll just go get dressed,' she heard herself stammering as her body reacted instantly and uncontrollably to the way he was looking at her…as instantly and uncontrollably as the way it had when he had kissed her, touched her days before.

Mesmerised Lily stared right back into his eyes, her breathing suddenly shallow and laboured as a sudden burst of sexuality flooded though her veins. This was not happening…it had to be the stress it was the only explanation to the way she was drawn towards him.

It _had_ to be the stress of the last few days as she waited for the bomb to drop.

That had to be the only explanation; on her reaction towards James…this wasn't supposed to happen.

Dizzily she blinked but didn't break the intensity of his burning stare. What was happening to her? Why was she feeling her whole body trembling, aching with a need that seemed to have been conjured up out of nowhere, like a tornado ready to destroy all of her defences?

'I—I can explain,' she told him huskily, and she didn't know herself whether she meant why everyone was acting as though they were making a baby or why she was reacting to him the way she was, but instead of agreeing James simply walked towards her, and odd sound in his voice, an odd look on his face,

'Don't bother, I've changed my mind, it isn't an explanation I want.'

'It … it isn't?' she asked taking a tentative step back.

Wide-eyed Lily watched him knowing instinctively what was going to happen and instead of fleeing for the hills she found herself feeling a frantic excitement…she was way beyond her normal cautiousness now…

Her back and feet hit the wall behind her—she hadn't realised she was retreating a little but somehow that didn't stop James from following her.

'No it isn't,' James confirmed laying both his hands on the wall at the sides of her head. 'Since it is already common knowledge around all our peers that we are lovers then—'

He lowered his head and kissed her with a mix of passion and desire although there was no mistaking the anger with which he demonstrated by grinding his lips to hers …however somehow Lily revelled in it as he refused to end the kissed plunging deep into her mouth, punishing her lips as he went on and on.

Lily senses fuelled by an age old wisdom of feminine response which gave her need and as if she knew just what to do she opened her mouth wider and tasted him, duelling him with her tongue making way for a more intense fiery passion of white hot urgency.

An urgency that she couldn't seem to quell…nor did she want to.

…

…

_**…Come back to see whether they would take this kiss to the next level...**_

A sweet Refrain will always be the yard stick of my other ffs mainly because of the amount of reviews I got within the last few chapters of it…I've gathered this fic is not as popular but I love the readers I do have…

Thanks too:

**Jessiquie:** I'm sorta confused…see the love of Lily's life is Jack and well her best friend is Charlie…or Charlotte, should I have cleared that up better in the last chapter?

**Lady of Masbolle:** Arch, dear I haven't seen Ella enchanted. Ah well I can't drool with you. Do you happen to know if any good movie with Shah Rukh Khan is coming out anytime soon? I have no idea anymore seeing as how I don't have friend who're into it. Oh and Hrithik Roshan as well. Btw a hunk of male sexuality is well…I can't really remember…I've been drooling of guys around my school for so long I forgot…OOOO I know Matthew Goode from Chasing Liberty. LOL.

**Hpjsr:** I know I adore Sienna as a name too, course you'll know all the anmes I adore whenever I put them into my ffs…lol I have that name in mind for my first girl…yeah I know I'm naming my kids…I am 19 but seeing as how I started writing fics late in life I figure I should you know make up for it…lol ignore me…toodles.

**Miss-mags-ak**: NO problemo Thanks a lot for your review hun, its greatly appreciated.

**Jessie xxx**: Jessie, how's you…how the fact that you're not typing anything doing? Lol I know I'm buggin you but a one shot would be nice you know…thanks for the review darling.

**KcluvsMl: **Really, yay thank you a whole bunch. I know you've read A sweet Refrain but hardly anyone reads this one, I'm so happy you are, you're a great loyal reader, I hope you enjoy this chapter.

**Samanthablack899**: Thanks a lot hun…yay

**Sassafras**: I know this James is hot. He is Alternate Universe but I prefer writing a bit of that I mean the same James every time would get a tad boring, thanks a lot reviewing.

**Greengrl**: I'm sorry about the whole dialogue thing but they think a lot in this ff and I'm very happy you understood it in the end…I know I have to work out a few bugs in it but I hope you stick with it!

**Boy-Crazy Bookworm: **Yay, thanksa lot. I'm so grateful you like this, I hope you review for this chapter cause I'll be looking for ward to it seeing as how its not going well with other people!

**KMK**-Kristin, hey thanks a lot for checking this ff out. I know its not too hot just yet but I'll get better in this and the next chapter, I hope you come and check it out.

**Moon chaos**: They do? See I know they don't have the colouring of gypsies that's why I worked in the fact that only his mother was a gypsy…course my aim was to show difference in a lot of things…Gypsies are not witch like but they do have their own magic….that's why…Smut scene, what do you mean by that…lol I don't know the word but it there is one point it out to me…kk…Love ya lots for reviewing.

**Lavamad: **Lol, I'm glad you have that much faith in me…lol and yeah typos are a bitch…u KNOW I do them a lot so yeah…ah well ttfn


	5. Chapter 5: Acid Rain

**Disclaimer**: I do not own anything familiar.

**About the story**: Okay so it's been a while…a very long while…I can't remember if it's a month yet but I am very sorry….I had numerous test to go trough before mid terms and I'm telling u they can kill a persons brain.

Okay so I'll be a couple weeks again before I update hopefully I'll do it faster.

Anyway I hope you guys like this chapter...

Thanks a lot too:

Anna, Jessie, lizzy bennet, greengrl, moon chaos, KMK, Lost Conscience, KcluvsMl, boy-crazy-bookworm, anmarie, hpjsr, potterfan89, Sassafras, MaD-4-u, Almicene Melwen.

I really appreciate your reviews.!

Luv u guys…

* * *

**_Recap_**: After hearing about the story going around that he and Lily were a couple James decided to go straight to the source for answers, but the didn't count on finding her half naked. 

_**Quote for the Chapter**: Bisexuality doubles you chances of a date on a Saturday night_

_Chapter 5: Acid Rain_

She had, Lily recognized dizzily as she arched deeper into James, aroused him to the point where his need was a scorching hot intensity the blinded him to the reality of they were doing. Lily couldn't get enough; he was tempting her, tormenting her to give in to her body's hammering need.

And then suddenly she realized that she should. What was she waiting for? After all she was human wasn't she? A woman, a _grown_ woman? She knew tones of girls her age who've done it already. Why was she denying herself sexual fulfillment and why was she stranding herself alone on an island of loneliness? Because she loved Jack?

Was she going to remain unknowledgeable about her own sexuality? Tonight with James, she could experience all she had been denying herself—she could become whole.

Then along with those thoughts came the ones of reality that showed her the dangers if she chose to go through with them.

But subsequently just as quickly her brain rejected them as though her body had completely removed itself from her mind but was controlling it and taking control was what it did. Her tongue touched James' once more and slowly she tasted it, tasted him, drinking his essence and a responding shudder wracked her as James responded to her silent encouragement.

His hands left the wall and cupped her shoulders, his body hard against hers, so intimately close that she could feel the pulsing beat of his arousal. Her arms moved of their own accord and wrapped themselves around his neck while his hand moved urgently down her body over the curves of her derriere as he pulled her off the wall and even tighter into his embrace.

Neither of them spoke, there was no need; both of them knew what was happening, what was going to happen but then James drew up and instead of reaching for her towel he looked in her eyes. She knew she should stop him now, she knew that because this wasn't how she imagined her first experience with male desire to be.

It occurred to her that he was giving her a way out but she had made up her mind already, all her doubts were wiped away by desire. She was _not_ Charlotte and Jack would _never_ lover her. She would never experience the tender warmth she had had always dreamed she would expect with the man she loved in Jack.

James was watching her still and it seemed as though he was waiting for her to do or say something but she had already crossed this bridge. There was nothing stopping her from releasing the knot on the towel and the sudden flare of desire she saw in the depths of his hazel eyes moved her to do so.

When the towel slid down her sensitized body she expected James gaze to follow it. He didn't look down her naked body but kept on staring at her. Feeling suddenly empowered she took the initiative and ventured a glance at his raging arousal; the stark intensity of seeing how _she_ affected him.

And as though that look broke his last strain of control he crossed the distance between them and sweeping her off her feet. He entered her dimly lit bedroom but instead of placing Lily on the bed he lowered her to her feet.

He didn't hesitate when he reached for her once again to draw her tongue into his mouth. Lily should have been shocked at the wonderfully indecent way he was just kissing her but she was more shocked at her response to him. Never in a million years would she have realised she was capable of this heady passion that had engulfed her and continued to play havoc on her senses.

She felt wonton, eager and as she pressed her naked body to James's fully clothed one she opened her mouth more fully to his, desperate to have him take everything she was willing to give. His hands glided, caressed and stroked mimicking his tongue as bolts of lightening shot through her veins.

She ached to have him inside her, her whole body was singing with wild wonton pleasure and he awoke a chord of strong passion that was so powerful it made her dizzy. Her breasts hadn't yet been touched and its sensitized peaks pained to have him touch them.

Then as if sensing her need his hands rose up from her bottom to cup her breasts but that was just to have his thumbs briefly brush against her. Control, was non existent, it had seem all the control she had before making her decision went up in smoke. The feeling she had was out of control however was influenced by that fleeting touch. That fleeting touch alone was enough to have stars exploding from behind her eyes which made her want to recklessly grab his head and put his mouth just _there_...

Lily no longer recognised the woman she had become as she did just that. Sensations exploded deep within her but he didn't take her fully in his mouth, instead his tongue circled the hard point and Lily felt as though she was going to faint with the violence of her own reactions.

Desperately she begged him to ease her torment as she wrapped her fingers through his hair dragging him closer. Finally he took the whole of her pulsing nipple into his mouth and sucked hard but instead of action easing her hunger she wanted more and soon she was pulling apart his shirt almost tearing the buttons away. She was distantly aware of James helping her and moaned in pleasure at the sight of his nakedness.

She wanted to taste and touch him all at once. When he placed her on the bed, Lily reached up and kissed James's shoulder.

'You feel so good, you ... taste so good,' she gasped and her words seemed to snap the final cord of restraint holding him together.

She could feel herself building, rising higher and higher from the movements of his tongue that had moved far from her breasts to areas further south. Suddenly he retreated, looming over her again, positioning her for a more intimate caress.

When he entered her Lily felt no sense of shock or pain, only the intensity of her own urgency. He stilled above her but Lily knowing he realised the truth impatiently raised her hips to meet his, starting the rhythm that made her feel spiritually and deeply connected to the man above her.

They met their release together and Lily absorbed the euphoria of the moment. Finally her breathing almost even she turned at smiled at James, who was not smiling back at her. His hazel eyes were dark and unreadable though she heard the uncontrolled anger in his voice.

'Why didn't you tell me...warn me?'

Self-consciously she looked away from him, her elation disappearing at the cold note in his voice.

'It was your first time wasn't it?'

'Yes,' Lily said calmly and James cursed. There wasn't any point in denying the truth.

'You should have told me, and—'

'—and what?' Lily answered her own fire sparking. 'You would have stopped?'

Slight colour tinged his cheeks and Lily knew he understood what she meant. Neither of them had been capable of stopping, even if she did find the need to warn him about her virginity.

'Why should I have told you...?'

'You were a virgin,' he reminded her angrily, 'and I—'

'Made love to me as though I was a woman and not a girl,' she said raising her chin a notch. She still had her pride left.

'But you had to have been waiting for someone special; why else would you have been saving yourself?'

But as Lily looked at him she knew she couldn't tell him about her realisation. How could she when she really just found out that what she had preconceived about her sexuality was wrong. That when she had fantasised about her first sexual experience it was so far removed from this that she knew she was wrong.

Wrong in believing that, that was what she had really wanted, what her body wanted. She enjoyed what she had experienced with James, more than enjoyed it. Gloried in it.

'Why Lily...why now, with me?' he wanted to know.

Lily couldn't answer that really. She had thought her love for Jack would leave her alone in the world with no one to care for her but her convictions about her feelings were becoming slightly blurred.

He then reached out and grabbed her shoulders dragging her up to face him.

'What's going on Lily? I come back to the city and I find out that you and I have a relationship ...and not only that but people are probably already planning our wedding. We both know it isn't...or rather it wasn't so.'

'That was an accident,' Lily said immediately.

'Accident?' he asked and the puzzled look he had on his face made him look terribly adorable with that flyaway hair but Lily squashed down the urge to sift her figures through his hair and kiss him.

'Yes, err you see Charlie jumped to the wrong conclusion about us...and well things have been weird for us lately—she feels guilty, now that she has Jack and its hard to make her understand that I am happy as I am.' Lily said which, was the truth, in a manner of speaking. She didn't add that it was because of her feelings for Jack that had her wanting to stay away form them.

'I see, she wants you to be settled, like her and it was easier for you to agree.' He said intuitively.

'Yes, it was.' She said and then sighed and in all honesty told him, 'I never dreamed she would tell anyone... I couldn't believe it when Alice came up to me and started talking about living together...I knew how angry you'd be.'

'I was angry,' he said. 'But its no excuse for what I did, why didn't you stop me...tell me?'

'Maybe I didn't want to,' she said honestly though she knew there were things she couldn't say. Things that she couldn't reveal about why she chose to let Charlie believe her. But if she had to explain that then she had to explain why she slept with another man. Then she would be forced to admit that despite her love for Jack the moment James had touched her she couldn't have possibly thought about anyone else.

'Perhaps I should have warned you...'

'But...?'

'...but I didn't want to.' She said breathily. 'I had no idea making love could be so...'

'Dangerous?' he supplied but she shook her head.

'No, complete,' she said bravely then added. 'I'm not sorry for what happened James...it was wonderful.'

'Wonderful?' James exploded. 'None of this should have ever happened; you and I don't even—'

'Like each other I know. I have no idea how to explain what happened between us, perhaps you know since, you've err did this before.'

'Don't count on it, this is a "first" time for me as well...I don't make a habit of losing control like that.' He said and she knew his virginity wasn't in question he was talking about his mind and body.

'Well at least no one except for us knows about it.' Lily said. 'Tomorrow I'll explain to Alice that Charlie got it wrong—' she stopped suddenly when James shifted away from her and dragged the covers more over himself.

To say she felt a terrible sense of loss was an understatement. Hurt began ebbing at her...it was obvious he wanted nothing to do with her, his rejection stung.

Lily stiffened her back then began to tell him again about damage control when she caught the way he was looking at her body. She hadn't noticed that she was bare from the waist up and the sight was affecting him.

She gasped with a mixture of excitement and shock. He still wanted her. He was affected by her that's why he pulled away; he was affected by the close proximity of her body. Before she could stop to think about what she was doing she whispered urgently, 'James stay with me tonight—all night...'

'Stay with you—'

He said his voice cracked and Lily watched with fascination as he closed his eyes and swallowed hard. Her body began rippling with awareness and need.

'If you want to,' she said, 'I want you,' and then gave him a look of pure hunger. 'After all I'm not a virgin anymore.'

Heat leapt in his eyes and she knew he was staying before he even voiced the words. He reached for her, his warm slightly calloused hand smoothed against her skin.

'Stay,' she said again and he did holding her in his arms through out the night.

-

What the hell was happening to him, James wondered dejectedly. He had come tonight with the only intent of questioning her ... he had been so angry and now? She was here sleeping his arms. He looked down and knew he ridiculously never wanted to let her go.

_Stay with me, _she had asked and in so doing he had rewritten all the things he had wanted from life.

-

She wasn't awake yet but he was. In fact James had already been up for a couple of hours. He had gotten up and had gotten dressed. There was a lot to think about and he'd needed time—space, to gather his thoughts into coherent order.

He'd gone to her patio and sat there watching the sun rise but not really seeing.

What was it that Sienna was always telling him? _It was time for him to fall in lov_e.

That was such a cliché statement really but there was no other way to describe what he was feeling. He had never really faced such mind-boggling experience.

Love?

The only people who had demonstrated that kind of fairytale love were his parents and that was when he was very young, who knew what sort of distorted memories he really had.

But now, what he was feeling now was so strange to him, so unfamiliar that he hadn't recognised it until now—until last night. He had known blokes who ran through women as though they were just piece of pie they had just gorged and were trying out the different kinds. James knew he was just the same way until his cousin had come to Hogwarts the year he was leaving.

After nearly being expelled and his head position being nearly revoked he made his decision because of what he did. And he would do it again. James had smashed in the face of a guy who thought he could have his way with Sienna after that he made decisions and he had calmed down. Although James had never gotten so hyped to have a woman to force himself on her he promised himself he would never lose control of his body like that.

He still had spies and allies in school to watch out for Sienna and he had stuck to his guns and never lost control but last night was different. He had lost control of his emotions never mind his body. It was something strange to him and he knew this bizarre feeling was love.

He loved her.

If he had had any doubt before realising it, it was gone now that he had registered it in his brain. It had taken him two hours of soul searching to realise it.

_Damn_.

Getting up he knew he should make Lily understand that he expected nothing. So what she had been the best thing that could have happened to him? She challenged him, made him think things and she argued with him. She didn't need to understand that he broke all his rules and everything he thought he was for her, because he loved her.

-

Lily awoke by slow increments and it took her a while to remember what had happened last night but when she did she found herself horrified.

What had she done?

_Oh. My. God. _

What did James think of her? He probably thought she was _easy_. And she was...she slept with him for no other reason than experience sex for the first time because there was no other way she would be having it.

She stared at the sheets...the bed was empty but she could still smell him there on them. Out of nowhere she felt this sudden urge to never wash her sheets again. As she caught herself she almost groaned at her stupidity.

Then she heard a noise in the kitchen.

_He was still here!_

She scrambled out of bed—or at least she tried to but ended up falling off the bed. The only sound made however was the _oof_ when she hit the ground. Untangling the sheets from her body she threw them on the bed and rant to her dresser. Glancing at the clock she saw that it was seven thirty.

Aw hell, she was going to be late for work.

Work was another thing she couldn't think about but she wanted to leave and it was the best excuse she could come up with. She flew through the bathroom and took the quickest shower of her life before donning her work robes all the while moaning to herself about the repercussion of her actions.

She threw herself at the poor man. What was going on in her head? She was totally confused. She was supposedly in love with another man yet she couldn't get the one she had slept with out of her head. If she was honest with herself...she had stopped referring to Jack as the love of her life and to top that off she couldn't seem to focus on an image of the man when James' took his place every time.

When she entered the kitchen he was there leaning casually on the island separating them and her insides began gnaw.

_Wh_y?

She wanted him to take her right here on the kitchen island then up against the fridge. What the hell was wrong with her? Since when did muggle kitchen appliances turn her on?

Apparently since she knew James Potter.

She looked at him and focused just past his head and she knew anything James was around turned her on. Snapping herself out of her thoughts she rushed past him and grabbed an apple.

'I'm late for work I have to go,' she said in a rush and didn't look at him in the eye at all. 'Lock up when you leave.' And then she ran.

-

James didn't know what to make of it and he still didn't when he arrived at work. She was afraid. It was the only explanation really. She panicked after last night.

He couldn't blame her but then again he couldn't believe her. He knew he was going to see her at the meeting at lunch today. Dumbledore wanted to see them about something so they were to go for a quick meeting during lunch.

Did she realise that they didn't use any form of protection last night? The thought had only occurred to him when he had gone back to his flat. An unfamiliar feeling rose inside him at the thought of Lily swelling with his child.

Wasn't that what the gypsy had said? A boy, they were to have a boy who looked just like him. The picture filled him with a sort of pride that was as strange as the other emotions crowding him that day.

Later, when he met up with the others at the Order meeting Sirius was looking at him strangely.

'What?' he asked finally not being able to stand the irritation.

'I'm looking for that smug-I-got-lucky-last-night-smile.'

James shot him a quelling glance. 'That is none of your business.' He said but instead of shutting him up Sirius let out a bark of laughter.

'Mate if you didn't get lucky last night then I'm a hippogriff's uncle.'

'Leave it Sirius,' James said but before he could further back it up Alice came up to them.

'James?'

'Yeah?' he asked wearily expecting another question about his and lily's relationship.

'I don't know if you know this but Lily Left London.'

'What she left London? I just saw her this morning.' He said cold ice settling in his stomach. _She left, to where? When did she leave? Was it because of him...because of last night?_

'I know, she said she had a sudden personal emergency and left an hour ago. So I guess you didn't know? Don't feel too bad about it. I found out from Peta not too long ago, she said that Lily suddenly jumped out of her desk after reading something and left quickly after talking to Jonah.'

James forced a smile, 'That's okay I'm sure she didn't have enough time to tell anyone.'

'That's true; anyway I better let everyone know that I'm planning a little party for Frank's birthday. Its next week so you and Lily can bring Sienna.' And with those words she left. _Yeah if we are **anything** like a couple next week._

'So you just saw her this morning huh?' Sirius remarked smirking knowingly.

'Sirius, we are neighbours how could I not see her.'

'Huh like I can believe that,' he said but he didn't make any more remarks again.

Left to his own thoughts again, James wondered what could have happened to have her run out in the middle of work.

-

Lily phoned Brussels to make sure her friend would be home. She needed to talk to her.

Sitting at the terminal she waited for her porkey transport to the muggle area where Charlie lived.

Her mind was a mess and her heart was even more so. When she had left the office in a hurry she knew she needed to confront her fears with her best mate. She knew she needed to tell her everything.

Raising her head she looked at the big board showing the leaving times. Fifteen more minutes.

After glancing away her eyes caught a movement and when she focused on it her heart jumped. A man was walking his back to her but her heart sang anyway.

It had to be James.

He heard she left and now he had come for her. She couldn't breathe, she was so happy. Lily started to get up to go to him but ii was then she recognised what was going on. She loved him

She loved James Potter not Jack.

Lily stared laughing and then sighed. She loved him and now that he was here to find her he must love her too.

Getting up she practically ran to him but then he turned and looked past her to someone else.

The smile she had died on her face. The man wasn't James.

* * *

WOOO there u go... 

Happy Anna and Jess?

Huh

...lol...please read and reveiw guys!


	6. Chapter 6: The Perfect Night

**There you are guys, I know its been months but here it finally is. I'm starting a new one tomorrow and hopefully you'll see the first chapter within a week or two.**

**Thanks for all your support.**

**Sasha**

* * *

**No Looking Back**

_Chapter 6—Perfect night_

Lily walked out of the portkey terminal. Her heart was in tatters. The man she saw back in London wasn't James and the fact was there was no resemblance other than the fact that his hair was slightly mussed. Her breath choked on a sob. Lily wanted to go home and cry, in facts he was long overdue for one but here she was in Brussels going to meet Charlie so she can let out her sordid secrets.

_What am I going to do?_ she thought and the question wasn't focused on her messed up friendship but on the fact that she was helplessly in love with a man who she knew was no where near serious about any woman, let alone her. She shuddered out a pent up breath.

Had she fallen in love with him before, during or after they made love? People didn't fall in love without knowing did they? How could she have loved James without knowing it? Why hadn't she had some inkling, some suspicion, and some kind of warning system to tell her that this would happen — that she would feel like this — love like this?

'Lily! Lily, over here.'

'Hullo Char,' Lily answered with forced brightness when Charlie came close enough to see her expression.

'Oh honey you look terrible.' The statement so truthful yet so bold Lily had to laugh but it came out a bit too sharp and Charlie rested a hand on her shoulder. 'What's wrong? I've never seen you like this. Come one let me take you home. Jack is away for a few days so it'll be just us girls.'

Charlotte had had a strange feeling that something was wrong from the moment Lily called from London and told Jack as much when she made him leave without her on the fishing trip.

'Lily never asks us for anything Jack, the least we could do is be there for her.' She told him seriously and he grinned that sexy grin of his before kissing her swiftly on the lips.

'That's fine love; want me to pick her up from the station?'

'Err, no I was thinking we'll have a couple days alone together so I was hoping you disappear till then.'

Her husband let out a booming laugh and went to his brother's to fill in that fishing spot. Now all she had to do was hope Lily was ready to tell her about whatever was troubling her and try to fill in the gap that had sprung up between them this past year.

Lily had planned to tell Charlie everything, logically and calmly with no tears but as soon as she was pulled into a welcomed hug they poured out of their own free will.

'Charlotte I'm in love … with James —'

'Is that a problem honey? I thought you two made a wonderful couple.'

'Us being a couple isn't the problem,' Lily said but almost wailed. Her tongue was in knots and she didn't know how to explain anything.

Pulling back Charlie immediately went into best friend mode and shepherded Lily into the vintage Jag that she owned. It took only minutes to drive to the muggle neighbourhood where her friend lived—after all Charlie did nearly run over a few red lights on the way.

After leading Lily to the sofa Charlie said, 'stay here while I go get some wine.'

'I don't…'Lily began but her best friend shook her head.

'Well I certainly do and besides, it's just one glass,' she suggested in a more gentle voice. 'It will do you good.'

Minutes later Lily took a sip of the cold crisp wine and had to admit it did taste good.

'Now tell me _everything_.' Charlie commanded as she settled on the sofa and faced Lily. 'You're in love with James but what? You're scared? A full commitment isn't all that scary you know.'

'No it's nothing like that,' Lily interrupted as she took a huge breath. 'What I let you think before, what I told you…simply was true. James and I …we weren't…there was nothing between us—'

'But there is something now? Now that you're in love with him I mean.' Charlie asked cutting through Lily's stammering.

'Yes…no…I don't know. We—we slept together and it was wonderful, fantastic…it was the best night of my life.' She said looking into Charlie's face but she saw no hint of shock or criticism from the fact that Lily did something that was totally out of character for her so she plunged on. 'I never thought I hadn't…you see he was angry at first; angry that people were talking about us being this couple. Of course I tried to explain and apologise but then he kissed me and…my goodness Charlie I just wanted him so much.'

I never imagined I could feel like that, my feeling overwhelmed me. I know this must be hard for you to understand …since well you and Jack were in love and…'

'I didn't love him the first time I had sex with him,' Charlie said interrupting her.

'What?'

'Actually,' Charlie continued matter-of-factly, 'perhaps you and I are more alike than we've ever noticed before. Jack was very angry with me the first time we made love. You see I was the one who went after him. I was the one who instigated everything, who seduced…'

Charlie shook her head ruefully. 'The thing was when I went after Jack I had convinced myself that it was Antonio that I loved not him. I was angry with Jack and he was angry with me but somehow all the anger became transmuted…all the angry was focused to something else.'

_Antonio? Oh my god, Antonio was Captain of the school's Quidditch team._

'When I went to bed with James,' Lily confessed gruffly, 'I thought…' she looked up and bit her lip looking directly at her best mate, 'I thought—felt—believed that it was Jack who I loved.

For a moment the silence between them was so intense, so profound that Lily feared that she had gone too far in her confession.

'Oh Lily, it is so awesome that we should both have experienced almost the exact same thing. You know what this means don't you?' Charlie asked her voice serious.

Lily looked at her, her heart beating painfully at the thought that the other woman wanted to end their friendship. What was she going to say? That she—Charlie could never trust her again?

'No … what does it mean?'

'It means that you and James are quite definitely meant for one another,' Charlie told her excitedly, 'just like Jack and I were.'

'It, it's just not the same thing Charlie, we never, we disliked each other from the first time we met.' Lily said grasping at straw to make Charlotte understand.

'Did you forget the time when Jack and I first met? When you introduced us? Don't you remember how we cussed each other off?' Charlie said in that all knowing tone she had.

Lily shrugged dejectedly but tried again. 'No, Char James doesn't love me,' she told her friend positively.

'He took you to bed, made love to you,' Charlie reminded her.

'He wanted me, but he doesn't love me. The two are vastly different things that are worlds apart from each other.' Lily said painfully and stretched her hands to draw the comparison. Then she stopped and hesitated. 'Uh you won't tell Jack about how I thought I loved him, will you?' she begged Charlotte, 'I know I realise now that …' Lily stopped.

Even now that she learned from Charlie's explanation of Jack's anger with her when they'd made love that he really was the gentle and compassionate lover she had imagined it did nothing of her new found realisation about James. Her fragile fantasy had gone and with it came reality.

Loving Jack had been an emotional form of protecting herself... and James….he had gotten through that somehow.

'Don't worry about it Lily, we have our confidences together that require total silence even to the people we share our lives with. Now come on lets go out somewhere.' Charlotte said grinning and an hour later Lily found herself on the streets of Brussels still uncertain about her future.

'James….James…are you listening to me?' Sienna demanded.

'Uh…no sorry I was thinking about something.' James answered quickly and to his knowledge calmly but his cousin got a weird grin on her face.

'Something or _someone_? Oh my goodness, you're thinking about _her_ aren't you?' she squealed in their grandmother's little living room. 'Oh James I'm so happy for you.'

Rather than pretend he was thick and didn't know whom she was referring too he decided to change the subject altogether.

'Never mind me; I still would like to know how you sprained your ankle.'

Sienna huffed, 'and I told you its because Nikki pushed me by when she fell. Now don't change the subject Jamie. You're in love with her aren't you?' she said but didn't wait for an answer—not that he would have given her one of course— 'oh my goodness I knew it. When you guys get married and I'm a bridesmaid, I'm letting you know in advance that I am absolutely not wearing any sort of pink get up at all.'

'You don't have all your ducks in a row yet my dear cousin before you're jumping too much ahead of the game.'

'I'm almost an adult now James, you'll have to listen to my opinions sometime.'

'Yes but not now, I still have two wonderful years yet so I'm going to ignore you.' He shot back and then did what he said he'd do—he ignored her…for about an hour after all there is only so much a guy can take.

Lily walked into her building and then went directly to work. She had a lot of catch up on and because of this Petra and Peta didn't question her about her whereabouts. She'd been gone a week but felt strangely different. Maybe it had been because when Jack had returned from camping three days after her talk with Charlie it felt natural to walk up to him and give him a sisterly hug and kiss.

After work was the party at Frank and Alice's. Lily personally had her own sense of style but Charlotte made her buy this sinfully indecent dress. Okay so it wasn't in decent but it seem that way. The naked slip underneath didn't look like a slip. In fact it just looked as though there were nothing.

The thing was if Lily was honest with herself she'd realise that she not only bought the dress because of Charlie but she wanted to see James's reaction.

In her flat Lily have half wondered whether she should go or not. Alice had informed her via owl that the party had gotten a bit out of hand and now contained up to a hundred people. It was a good thing the other woman had booked a hall. But the news from her friend shattered any excuse she had not to wear the dress.

Peta eyed her dress hours later and gave a low whistle, 'sexy.'

Petra who was with Lily laughed and then groaned, 'don't say that. For that last few minutes I've been trying to convince her that it wasn't.'

Lily eyed her friend, 'I never said you succeeded. Believe it or not—'

'Lily,' Peta said interrupting her.

But the Lily didn't ask her what it was she knew. All the hair on her arms stood up and she angled her head to the doorway. There he was. His height made him much easier to see than half the guests and she drank in his oozing sexuality. If she hadn't already had her hand around her friend arm Lily would have made a fool of herself by jumping the man's bones.

But then his gaze caught hers and beneath the hazel depths hot, intense waves radiated toward her as he looked his fill. She felt his eyes like a caress and Petra let her go and gave her a shove in his general direction. Somehow her feet moved in his direction but she was so entranced she wasn't sure where she was going after all he was looking at her as thought he wanted to eat her alive. What more could a woman ask for?

James eyes blazed as he reached her. 'Lily,' he breathed her name and then suddenly she was in his arms and he was kissing her.

It had been a week since he had seen her, tasted her, felt her and now she was in his arms and he didn't want to let her go. He'd denied what he had felt for those seven stupid days but from the moment he saw her all of the willpower he had been carefully controlling went up in smoke.

'I've missed you,' he groaned. 'Why didn't you keep in touch and why am I wasting time talking? Why are _we_ wasting time here?' he muttered against her mouth, 'and why are you wearing that damned dress…it makes me want to…'

'James,' Lily warned gently. 'There are children here.' She said and then it reminded him. 'You could be carrying my … our child.' He said but she shook her head slightly.

'No I don't think so, not…'

'Not his time?' he suggested and she gave him a brilliant smile.

'Yes. I—that night was the most wonderful…I've never felt like that. I stayed away because it was such a leap from not knowing then to feel in such a full blast.'

'And what do you feel?' he asked and he begged her with all his soul to trust him and she looked up at him she said softly, 'I—I love you.'

'Come on, I'm sure Frank and Alice will understand lets go back to my flat. I need to show you how I feel in private; we have a lot of time to make up for.'

Her eyes darkened slightly, 'I—I have something to tell you when we get there and your feelings towards me might change.' She said in a strangled whisper.

Not sure what to make of her words James just nodded and lead the way out the door.

When they reached his flat Lily gave him a tremulous smile before taking a seat far away from him. So far he understood that she needed space all he had to do now was listen.

'When I started to make love with you that night, I had thought I was in love with someone else.'

James felt as though he had had the wind knocked out of him. He didn't respond. He couldn't or words will come out that he would regret later.

'You see, I've come to the realisation that I never really loved him. I just thought I did but the bloke I created in my head never really existed. He was just something I created so that I could avoid looking for heartbreak and love. There is nothing to worry about but…James; I mean there was that woman before—'

James quickly shook his head, 'Ariel was nothing, she's gone and to let you know the gypsy did say it would be my baby.'

'Not your baby James,' she said and he felt his stomach drop, 'ours. Yours and mine.' James swallowed the lump in his throat.

'I love you James and only you, what I felt before was nothing compared to how I feel for you now.' She said and by the time she had gotten all her words out he had her swept up in his arms and was kissing her.

'I don't care who the guy is as long as you marry me and love me I don't care who he is.'

'Do you mean that? That you don't care I mean. I could tell you but then things will be awkward because you see James I've made peace with it and I got back the old friendship I had with him from the first. The way it should have been if not for my stupid fears.'

'Honey all I know is that you've proven you love for me and nothing else matters.'

'I realise that I wouldn't have given myself to you if I hadn't already known deep in my soul that I love you.' She said. 'I want to marry you and have as many children as possible. I want to grow old with you and create my home with you.'

'Well then, baby I better start moving on the loving because honey there isn't enough time in our lives for me to show you.'

James said and proceeded to show her the most perfect night of her life.

* * *

Please R&R 

I haven't proof read it but i hope its fine as it is!

I know it may not be wat you're expecting but i tried even thought the story line dried up in my mind after soooo very long of not typing it. i have the summer to make it up to u...so here we go and a new story will soon be born


End file.
